i sit here. wide awake once again wondering why the sleep wont come. i ponder my options. do i feel guilt? anger? fear? or am i just laying here because sleep just isnt necessary. what to say what to do? what to think... if i could just sleep. Its like the humming has returned. i wrote a note on facebook that i am going to past to this maybe explaining why i cant sleep.

Excuse the last few notes. this was written a long time ago.

lately i have been thinking about how i want to live my life. I've been trying to decipher this code in my mind of who i can always keep and trust and who i can never live without. its like a low hum in the back of my mind. Sometimes as the silence grows the hum gets louder. Preventing me from a good nights sleep. As i grow more tired of this hum i try to ignore it and go to sleep. only to wake up to a high pitched whistling fading into this hum. last night again i could not sleep and a read a passage in the bible.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.

I drifted to sleep as the numbers on the clock fade from 11:59 to 12:00. No whistling no humming just the sound of my breathing and my heart slowly beating in the night. Something was not right in my heart and mind. I don't know what it was but yet somehow i got to sleep.

july 22
its been a few days since then. i have had a good night sleep every night since then. I no longer feel a pit in my stomach or confusion in my mind. how beautiful the words of god are. He heals the broken in hear and binds up their wounds!

july 23rd
not so great sleep last night.... i finally got to a point where i got at least 6 hrs.. and last night i got 1... stupid humming birds are back.. and i dont know for how long.....